Friday, August 23, 2013

Will I Be Like This Forever?

I always thought I would know it all by the time I was sixteen. But I didn't. I don't know anything, I've just been hurt and I learned from those mistakes. But that doesn't mean I know everything, it just means that I've lived. 

I keep trying to do what's right, I keep trying to do what I should, and I keep trying to be the kind of person I need to be.  But it never really works out that way it does it.

Yesterday was my birthday, I turned sixteen. I got my learners permit, and I got an iPhone. I thought I would feel so grown up by now, I thought I would be on top the world and know everything, but I don't.

I'm still just as lost and confused as I was last year, the year before, and the year before that. I still make just as many, or more mistakes as I did before.

Sure my life is different now, I have a new room, I moved twice, I've been heartbroken twice, my brother is in college now and I'm on my way soon. But the question is have I really changed?

I'm still insecure, I'm still shy, and I still have no idea what I'm doing. I still cry at night when I'm alone and I am always lonely. I still have my ins and outs with God. Do I want to be like this forever?

Will I be like this forever?

I want it to change. 

I'm going to change it. 

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