Saturday, August 17, 2013

Worthless...Or are We?

Not enough. Ugly. Insignificant. Annoying. Good-for-nothing. Inferior. Worthless. 

How many times have I heard words like these in the past few years? Why has it become the "norm" for people to be brought down like this. 

I'm going to go personal with this blog, for myself, and for everyone else out there who is like me. This is only the beginning of story that is hopefully helpful to people.

For the first 14 or so years of my life I lived in a small town. It's cute and yes sometimes I miss it, but it's really not the town for me. When I lived there people called me ugly, people pulled me down. I recently found out that when I was going through a rough time and being bullied by a girl, everyone laughed, everyone who had promised they would defend me in that situation laughed. Why was this girl bullying me in the first place? Because I was dating the guy she liked... And for that I was called "cray cray Bethany." My youth group bus was named the "I hate Bethany Bus," the words "ugly ginger" were thrown at me quite often. Did anyone defend me? No. A couple of people didn't join in, but it wasn't until my parents and youth leaders got involved did any of this settle down. 

That guy I had mentioned I was dating? Yeah, let me tell you that story. He and I had been friends for awhile, and he ended up dating my best friend. For awhile everything was great, my two best friends were dating and I was okay with that. They never made me the third wheel. Then all of the sudden they were fighting, and surprisingly, this guy ended up liking me. Long story short, I eventually ended our friendship so I wouldn't lose my friendship with the girl. He stayed with her for a couple more months and then she ended it. A couple of months passed and the guy and I became friends again. However, since I had picked my friend over him he didn't trust me and thought I "owed it to him" for hurting him.

Last year in April we finally started to date. He began to use me, even a week before we started dating. He told me "don't ruin a good thing" whenever I tried to stop it. As time went on he got to the point where it was mentally abusive. I was manipulated into thinking that I was lucky he gave me a second chance after I picked my friend over him. Then all of the sudden he broke up with me. We stayed friends and he had me convinced that I was lucky for him to let me love him. We dated again for about three more months when he called it off again. We were still kinda together on and off for a total of nine months. In those nine months he convinced me I was overweight (I weigh a whole 116 pounds..) he didn't like my hair or my freckles. My personality annoyed him, according to him I was mean and awful. 

Our on and off relationship/friendship finally ended on New Years eve. He told me he hated me. According to him I would never get another guy without flashing my boobs. According to him I was ugly and awful... Recently he and I became friends again, I had heard he was having a hard time and I wanted to be there for him. That friendship only lasted a couple of weeks because out of the blue he decided it was a good idea to rub in my face that his new girlfriend was far prettier than me and that many of my friends (or previous friends) thought so also. This, which was said when I was feeling very self-conscious, ended or newly-founded friendship. 

So you can imagine I had a hard time when people would say "everyone is beautiful" because to me it just sounded so cliché. If everyone is beautiful why was I hated on so much for being ugly? Why did he use me like that? Why would people say things like that to me? Why are girls bullied and guys looked over. Because society sucks. That's why. It really and truly does.

Society has told us that if our hair is too frizzy, we're weird. If it's too straight, we're plain. If our eyes are too big we're creepy. If our boobs are smaller than others, we unattractive, when they're bigger we must not be natural. If we're too skinny we're anorexic, if we're too big we're labeled as fat. We can be too short or too tall. Our feet can be too large or too small... If our skin isn't flawless we're unsightly, and if it's flawless we must be fake. Butts can be too big or too small. Most people always want to be on the other side of the fence. 

That's just the looks that society has decided on. Society has also decided on what skills we must have. Because we of course must have a skill or else we're not good enough. 

Do you hate yourself because you're not pretty enough? Do you hate yourself because you're not good at art? Maybe its a sport that you want to be better at. Maybe you think your voice is awful... 

Did God really die on that cross for us to be good at sports or art? Did he really die for us to worry about being good at some earthly skill?

No, he didn't. Those skills are earthy things. They don't matter to people, its not what they look for in a friend or spouse. What they do look for is compassion, honor, respect, and loyalty. 

Here's a question for you to think on... If it's wrong to judge others, why is it okay to judge ourselves? 

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